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Antigonish
Review # 146
| Harold
Hoefle |
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Cover
by ShirLee Adamson
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Concession Road
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The day he
turned ninety, Joseph Nolan decided to walk across town. The dew
was light, the hot sun nowhere to be seen, and his wife at peace
behind the church. He pushed open the screen door and made it
to the first porch step. A furled newspaper wanted unfurling;
he picked it up and tossed it over his left shoulder. "Avoid
bad news," he told the sparrow on the sidewalk. The bird
flew off.
He passed a row of houses and wondered who else
was awake. But the homes were dark, the streets empty, and soon
he reached the main road. A car passed. Iron buckets of geraniums
hung from lamp-posts. He stopped, scrutinized the bolt used to
fasten such great weight. He thought that was what a man of his
age should be seen doing: examining the work done with taxpayer's
money. He laughed softly. In his life he had touched little else
beyond books, paper, the handles of coffee mugs, his wife's skin,
and the smoothness of steering wheels. Having hated his wife's
last cat (Parnell) for ten years, Joseph had never touched fur.
However, he did grip wax with joy when he lit a candle to commemorate
Parnell's death by car wheel. Joseph couldn't convince his wife
that it was an accident, he hadn't seen the tabby. She never forgave
him. As consolation, he bought her an aquarium and exotic fish.
It didn't matter.
There was Stan, another oldie out for his morning
constitutional. Joseph shook his head: why did Stan have to dress
his age? The suspenders, the flat cap, the top button of his shirt
strangling his neck.
"Stop and talk, Joseph." Stan's voice
scratched, a mouse in a wall.
"Stan, you know me. I have to walk."
"Did you see the paper? More bombings. There's
drought in Niger. In Alberta, a man killed his pregnant wife."
"Visit your children and hold them. I have
to walk."
Joseph had never fought in a war. Born during
the First, too short for the Second, he had taught school instead.
When he wasn't doing that, he jogged alone or strolled with his
wife, and, much later, nursed her in her decline. Colon cancer.
Joseph still heard his wife's moans in his dreams. He had never
told her, but that was why he killed Parnell. His cries were the
same.
Joseph walked on towards town, his arms swinging,
his shirt cool and loose on his skin. "I feel tremendous,"
he said to a passing sun goddess, a young cyclist in orange Lycra.
She didn't answer, which made him nod at the red hair flying behind
her. "Yes, of course - we talk too much."
The sky was white and pink, opalescent: it reminded
him of a ring his mother had worn. She'd told him the milkman
gave it to her after his own wife died. The milkman had told Joseph's
mother that she was the only other woman with kind words for him
every day for forty years. "So maybe I'm wrong," Joseph
said to a weeping willow. He snapped off a branch. "Maybe
I need to talk more." He held the branch as he walked, pretended
he was Leonard Bernstein and sliced the air. Then threw the branch
away. A few blocks later he stopped, winced, and swore at the
sidewalk. After JFK was killed, Joseph had taken up marathoning,
run Boston eighteen times and never boasted about it, but, to
be consistent, stayed quiet about the lumbar pains that followed.
Two decades worth. He could only read lying down. It was one more
reason he hated the newspaper, yet felt the need to "keep
up" - a phrase he'd always liked, and had used when he chased
his wife into the bedroom. In their good days. Now he rubbed his
back with his right hand. Even his arm hurt. He shrugged and went
on.
He passed shops and box stores, KFC and gas stations,
a diner and cinema. The world was neon. A few cars and SUVs motored
by, the drivers almost always without passengers. On the sidewalk,
a boy of about eleven looked in a shop window. His hands banged
against his sides.
Joseph and the boy eyed each other. Neither had
anything to say; each found the other repellent. Joseph saw money
in the boy's cell phone, the outsized running shoes; he could
also tell that the boy saw a scrawny camel ready to die.
"I have to walk," said Joseph, and
moved on. It was Sunday: bells started to clang from two different
directions. He smiled at a clapboard church and whispered "Tintinnabulation."
He liked the way it took so long to say.
The bells clanged on - now obnoxiously so, and
Joseph walked with his hands over his ears. The boy appeared beside
him.
"Too much religion," said the boy,
loudly. Joseph stopped. Blinked.
"Son, you're right."
The boy turned and stared at a sports shop window.
He addressed the dozen pairs of running shoes.
"You said you had to walk." Joseph
had seen the boy's pout.
"Where," he said, "did you learn
to manipulate people?" The boy grinned.
"Partly at my mom's house, partly at my
dad's."
"Want to walk with me for a spell?"
Together they went on, shielding their eyes against
the sun when it came over the buildings across the street. The
boy kept up a patter about soccer practice, his new mountain bike,
the trails at his dad's cottage. Then the talk eased off. Once
Joseph and the boy reached the town limit, the only sound was
the scrape of shoes on roadside gravel. Joseph still had a fair
distance to go before he reached his turnaround point, the sign
for the concession road. He took the boy's elbow and stopped.
"You can't come," he said. "I
have to walk alone."
The boy kicked a rock across the asphalt. When
he raised his head, hair flicked over his face.
"Why?" he said.
Joseph's back spasmed. He bent over, clamped
his hands on his thighs.
"Just fucking bone," he muttered.
He ground his teeth and glanced up; the other's
eyes were wide. "Can I put my hand on your shoulder?"
Joseph said.
He leaned and the boy stayed still. Then he held
out his cell phone.
"My mom could be here in ten minutes. You
could lie on our couch. And our freezer's crazy-full of
Häagen Dazs."
"I'm training," Joseph said, straightening
up despite the pain. "I have to walk. Alone." He slowly
took a notebook and pen from his pocket, scribbled down his name
and phone number, shoved a torn page at the boy.
"Call me," he said, and shambled away,
a walk more pathetic than any he had executed. But he forced one
foot ahead of the other.
"Hey!" the boy shouted. He ran a few
steps forward. "What are you training for?"
Joseph didn't turn, but he threw his right hand
in the air and hoped it looked like a wave.
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